Some issues with the Indian society and more.

I'm writing this new post in hopes of possibly having some positive changes in the Indian society. For the 14 years I've spent in India, only the last 2 years staying there has made me realize that we live in a messed up society. We live in a society where showing affection towards your significant other is frowned upon. I mean, not everyone is emotionally incapable of showing signs of PDA in public. Most people want to hold hands with their loved one, and possibly share a kiss with him/her. Why is it that I've heard articles and stories of people being fined for literally just showing love? We can't live our entire life scared of showing affection in public, it's the most normal thing on Earth. I remember one instance when I was living in Chennai;a couple had to hug under a table on the beach, and no, not because they wanted to avoid sun light. But because they were scared to be stared at weirdly. Why is it that when someone gets molested on a train or just in public, the crowd seems to do nothing but stare as though they're looking at a live show, but when a couple shows affection, oh no, we must look at them disgustingly and do something about it, like shout insults.

Now sexism is something that is seen and heard of a lot in India. Of course there have been incidents of sexism outside of India too, but it's 2016, and the world seems to be improving quite a lot, maybe not entirely. Why can't a woman walk on the streets wearing whatever she wants without getting stared at? Why do parents tell their child what to wear and what not to, when they could just as easily blame the idiots who do have the audacity to stare. Now, I lived in Hyderabad for 8 years and not once did I ever have people staring at me when I wear something. They would occasionally look, but for 2 seconds and then go on to doing what they were doing previously. It never made me feel uncomfortable in any way. Walking in the streets of Chennai made me feel quite uncomfortable because men would stare like they'd never seen a female before. There have been so many cases and incidents of rape, but not once did I see a case go on for however long the Delhi case did. I mean come on, rape happens every day possibly, but why does it not get the attention it needs. How do some men have the guts to say,"She should dress appropriately."? No, it's not her dressing sense that needs to be fixed, instead it's your mentality. Cat- calling is also a form of assaulting someone or harassing them, but why is it not talked about more?

I'm going to kind of drift away from just the India topic here. So many people around the world tell their friends to take a form of verbal harassment as a compliment. I'm so sorry to hear how you've been brought up in a way where your mentality is plain useless. Okay now why do men find the need to make a page called 'Meninists'? I mean, if this page had talks about how wrong rape is and how people of either gender go through it, then fine, keep your page and be proud of it. But making a page just to hurl abuses at women for standing up for their rights and equality is ignorant. Like, okay if Meninists actually meant standing up for transgender males and men who've faced instances of harassment and have been assaulted in a way then I would actually be proud of how far some men have come. But since their whole feed is about how feminists are absolute crap and how feminism is basically just females wanting to be of higher power than males, they don't deserve even an inch of respect.

It's 2016. Some people need to realize that feminism is a stand to have females equal to males, not have them at a higher power at all. If someone claims they're a feminist, yet says stuff like "WOMEN ARE BETTER AND MEN ARE DISGUSTING LITTLE COCKROACHES!" then guess what, she's not a feminist. It's 2016, some women need to realize that sending your favorite celebrities raunchy messages that make them uncomfortable is also sexually harassing them. Sexual harassment doesn't occur with women only. When I see how many men have joined the feminism movement, I feel so proud and happy. Some of my classmates here in America have the teenage boy mentality where they think being a feminist means something girly. First of all, let's not use the term girly in any way anymore because honestly, having your nails painted pink doesn't mean you're girly. It means you like pink and you want your nails a specific color. The same way, if a guy wears something pink, doesn't mean he's homosexual. I mean, it could easily just mean he likes the color or someone gifted it to him. Why do we give genders to colors. Pink means girl and blue means boy. No. Pink means it's a color and blue means it's a color. My favorite color is blue, doesn't make me a boy now does it? Well now that's the end to my long, long rant. Thank you if you sat through all 2000+ words of it.

Dear me.

Dear Nimisha,

I know it hurts to even walk to class because of the looks you get every time you do walk in there. I know how much pain you go through, even though you're only 12. I know that feeling you get when your classmates give you dirty looks. It pains me to see how much you're suffering, and how badly you want make it all go away. I know that every time, you get up in the morning, you always have a frightened expression and I know you make up excuses to stay back home so you don't have to deal with any of this. I know the pain and suffering you go through every time someone thought you were carrying a disease and stopped sitting next to you. I know how it feels when the one friend you have bails on you and doesn't want to stand up for you in any matter. I know you cry in the bathroom every day and I know most of time you just want to be in there for the whole day until school ends. I really just wish all this doesn't have to happen to you because I know deep down you're such a strong girl, but that one strength you have just gets stolen from you every day. I know you're suffering so bad and I wish I could help you right now. You feel so guilty and blame yourself for everything because that's all you can do.

 I know how it feels when you stay at home during the weekends because all of the interest you had in things before has just gone. I know you're so strong and I just wish that would come out but I understand. It pains you to even fake a smile. I know you want to stay in bed all day, because that's where no one judges you.

Now you're 13, and you've moved onto the 8th grade. I know how it feels to still be stared at. I know it's possibly the hardest thing you've gone through. I know you have that inch of bravery in you that's waiting to come out but is stopped every time. Every single thing you used to enjoy before has become something you're scared of being asked to do. I know you bawl your eyes out every day and I know why you do it. You're not enjoying life like a normal 13 year old does, instead you're sitting at home and crying. I know you feel like you're the loneliest person on Earth. I know you think you have no one to talk to, but if I could see you right now, I would be there for you. I know you watch YouTube videos to take your mind off of things, but I know it doesn't help but you act like it does. I know how you say you're okay and then go and sit on the couch and cry at midnight. I know you push everyone away because you can't trust anyone. I know you still sit in the school bathroom and cry your eyes out. I know you have a lump in your throat whenever a teacher picks on you. I know you sit in a room at home and just stare outside and think about how everyone has turned on you.

Now you're 14, and you've moved to the US, and I know you've taken many days off in this new school too. Maybe no one will understand why, but I do and I always will. I know people tell you to be strong but it's just so hard to let things go. You sit alone at snack and lunch because you just can't even face people. I know you still cry everyday and I know you still feel alone. I know everything haunts you a year later. You can't smile anymore, let alone laugh. Your school performance improves but your emotional problems are still in you. You've found good friends, but you still get terrified they'll leave.

Now you're 15, and you're already in the 10th grade,wow. I know you're still hurting. 2 years later and nothing has changed. You cry every day and just want to stay home. It hurts Nimisha, I know it does. I know you feel like no one understands what you go through every single day. When counselors say it's best if you go to school, you cry. You can't do it and I understand. I know it hurts to even see people and I wish all of this would go away.

Now you're 16, and you've made a promise to keep all this behind you, but it still hurts so bad. You feel like you can't do it. You can't go to school and I know how you feel. I wish it wasn't so hard. I wish you felt differently. I wish you knew that I love you. I know you don't want to go to school, I understand so deeply, but everyone tells you to go. I know you go to the bathroom and still do cry because all you think about at school is what happened in India, I know it hurts so bad Nimisha, I know that there are monsters inside your head. I know life is so tough, but so are you Nimisha. I know you feel like your world has come crashing down, but I promise you it hasn't, I know you'll end up happy, I know you will. 

A rant and a note to my ex-classmates in Chennai.

It's been 3 years since 7th grade ended and my life took a turn for the worst. If you've ever bullied someone or just called them names for that matter, please think like three times before going along with it. It might just destroy someone's life. Some people have thick skin, so name calling doesn't bother them as much as others. Sadly, in my case, I wasn't actually expecting it to happen to me. I was always the happy and bright girl when I was younger. I used to love making friends and it was very easy for me to make friends. After I moved to Chennai, almost everyone at that school was cold to me because apparently I was an alien from Mars. I soon did find a friend which brought me to talking to everyone in the class. I don't know what happened but one day, one phone call to ask my ex-close friend what happened at school got me crying the whole night. I was absent that day and all I wanted to know was, what happened that day at school and if there were any tests coming up. She told me that everyone hated me now. I swear I still get goosebumps when I think about my exact reaction when she told me that through the phone. I had absolutely no words. I've always been a bossy kind of person but that kind of faded away once I came to Chennai. There was some disgusting rumor spread about me by this guy. He supposedly did it because I didn't reciprocate the "feelings" he had for me. After a while, when 8th grade started and my ex-close friend and that guy had left that school, two girls who found a friend in me, told me the girl I was close to actually helped that guy in spreading those rumors. I think that's when I realized that trusting someone was probably never going to come easy for me anymore. The two girls always stuck with me and talked to me and called me their best friend but I found myself pushing them away mentally and not even trying to see them as my friends. To me, just the idea of moving from Hyderabad after staying there for 8 years was a daunting thought, but I didn't even think that I would ever be the victim to incidents of emotional and some physical bullying. To this day, this thought of what happened there scars me. I've not been able to move on because in my head, this unfortunate incident will be something that shall be highlighted for ever. My mother used to call me her 'Little Miss Sunshine' when I was younger because I used to be a fun-loving child and I probably never stopped smiling,  but now me smiling has become a milestone. She says that I always had this light when I was younger, and after this incident, she saw that light slowly dimming and becoming darker and darker. Now I just want to tell those classmates in Chennai that, yes you did make me feel weaker emotionally and yes, you did bring me down a whole lot, but from today onward, I make a promise to myself that I WILL try to let this stay in the past, and not let it destroy my present and my future. To anyone who has ever bullied someone, if that was 5 years ago or 5 weeks ago, please just apologize. Mean it when you say sorry. All you get from this is the pleasure of hurting someone, but what goes around, comes around. To anyone who has been the victim of bullying, realize that you ARE special and that the obvious reason people do this is to somehow prove to themselves that they are better than you in aspects. They do it because they think of you as competition or just a threat. They think, seeing you succumb to your emotional problems will make you weaker. It actually does, but getting up when you lost your balance is how we learned to cycle, and that theory applies to this as well. If they see that this affected you a little, but not enough to bring you down entirely then the immense pleasure they thought they would get from this is all going to come crashing down. You ARE strong enough to walk away from this and be in a zone of happiness.